SurvivingInfidelity

The BS on the site do not want change or improvement. They want to be told R is possible if you give it enough time. I'm an active member (not banned), and I've watched the site go downhill for years now. Any advice that doesn't keep a BS holding onto the tiniest place of hope is no longer welcome. Sistermilkshake leads the team of mean girls that pounce on unpopular opinions and advice. But then, when she gets called out on her own bitterness she disappears for several weeks at a time, basically until people forget how nasty and mean she is and it blows over.

The site has become a train wreck that is hard to look away from.

Update/Edit:

I understand that Deeply Scared (DS) passed away from cancer. I had no idea she was facing this struggle at the same time as there appeared to be some very harsh smack downs of well-respected members and contributors. Perhaps DS was seeking control in the one area of her life she still was able to control. While I do not condone the way some of us were treated during that time, putting it in context of her life struggle is helpful and warranted.

I would also like to add that polygraph and post-nuptial agreements are a common recommendation in infidelity recovery programs and from counselors trained in dealing with infidelity and the trauma experienced by the betrayed spouse. These are not SI constructs, but rather safety measures to provide a foundation from which to move forward.

I looked at the site after not reading for over 2 years. Nothing has changed. I saw DS has passed away, which is sad. She was not great to deal with, though. Had her favorites and the rest were targeted. She still flirted with the men that posted on there. Disgusting. Wincing At The Light is still spewing his barely contained rage nonsense. Even though his wife was a cheater I felt sorry for her. She was dealing with a mental illness and he played mind games with here. How sad. Funny thing is, though he's lauded on there as a wizard of wisdom he cheated on his ex wife with his current wife, so guess what? That makes him a cheater too. Sick sad man.

SI is high school. It's a group of mostly bitter women that gang up and ostracize anyone that doesn't buy the bull, and it is bull. These people are not experts or in any way qualified to give much of the outrageous advice they give.

If you don't agree you're told "we've been here. We have experience ". No, they've experienced something. That's very different than having experience. I've flown many times. I've experienced flying. That doesn't mean I can fly the flipping plane.

I joined as a betrayed spouse. I left and found best choice is a trained professional or just making smart protective choices and taking time to heal.

This has really turned into a social site with the "stars" being insulting, insufferable and dangerous. The male king WAL or Wincing At The Light is a cheater that married his fling. He is a fraud. Many of them are. There are far better places out there including just hanging in there knowing that being cheated on is not rare and people survive it all the time.

I was a member 10 years ago for a time. I was banned shortly but still follow it like the proverbial train wreck, because it's fodder for my novel or my thesis. Seriously, don't go there looking for anything helpful these days -- it's groupthink at its worst. Armchair psychologists, $#*!s telling you right and wrong. When I joined it was helpful to me because the members were largely good people with some compassion, but it's turned into something else altogether. If you have been cheated on and need a resource, redirect your energy to Chumplady.com, who is worlds ahead in wisdom.

If your spouse has cheated on you and you come to this website youll be told none of its your fault. Which is true. But how easy did you make it for your spouse to $#*! someone else? Did you deny your spouse sex? Did you routinely put your spouse down? I bet you did. While cheating is a total choice, all you $#*!ty spouses made it an easy choice. Own it.

This website is $#*!. The people who were cheated on suck, just as the much as the ones who cheated. No one is innocent.

In case some of you don't know the definition of Groupthink, I'll save you the trouble of Googling it. Here's a description from Psychology Today:

"What Is Groupthink?

Groupthink occurs when a group of well-intentioned people make irrational or non-optimal decisions that are spurred by the urge to conform or the discouragement of dissent. This problematic or premature consensus may be fueled by a particular agenda or simply because group members value harmony and coherence above rational thinking. In a groupthink situation, group members refrain from expressing doubts and judgments or disagreeing with the consensus."

So in a nutshell, If you actually possess critical thinking skills and the ability to make your own decisions, you will be shouted down and scolded by the mods on this site. And in the end you'll probably be banned anyway.

Dailystrength.org is a better alternative.